


It's the end of the world

by Krilymcc (KristiLynn)



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-24
Updated: 2012-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-19 09:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/571552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KristiLynn/pseuds/Krilymcc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you think everyone would handle the end of the world?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's the end of the world

  
_Kids, this is the story about how your uncle Marshall called the end of the world._  

_June 1st, 2009. It started out as an ordinary day, not unlike any other (but really isn’t that what it’s always like leading up to the end of the world?). Everyone was gathered at McLaren’s to celebrate Barney’s promotion to Senior Head of Something Classified. Or as Barney called it the best job ever._

“You should have seen it. Barney totally handled himself when he went head to head with his boss.” Robin gently stoked Barney’s arm, “He was like, give me that job bitch.” 

That was when Lily noticed Robin wearing a very large ring on a very important finger. 

“Hey Robin,” Lily said trying to keep calm, “What’s with the rock?” 

Robin let go of Barney’s arm and let her hand fall to the table. 

“No way!” Lily was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Oh my God,” Marshall exclaimed, “Barney Stinson and Robin Scherbatsky are getting married?” He then stood up and proclaiming to the entire bar, “Drinks are on me ‘cause this is the end of the world!” 

“It’s just to empress my boss.” Barney explained, “To make him think I’m responsible and all that.” 

“Will there be an actual wedding?” Lily asked, a little too excitedly. 

Robin rolled her eyes and Barney just laughed. 

“No.” They both said. 

“If you two keep this fake proposal charade you will anger the guy high atop and they will be pissed,” Ted said with a drunken slur to his voice. 

"For once drunk Ted is right." Marshall agreed. 

Robin and Barney blew off their comments and the gang continued to drink. 

 

_Two nights later as Marshall was walking home from picking up take-out the first asteroids began to fall._  

 

~*~ 

 

_Now growing up we were taught how to deal with a lot of things: earthquakes, tornadoes, anthrax letters. But Asteroids? That was one thing that we didn’t know how to handle._

_So the gang and I all packed into Aunt Robin and my apartment to see this thing through._  

 

**Day 1 of The Asteroid attack of 2009:**  
  
“Alright you guys!” Ted announced coming out of his room with a large stack of DVD‘s, “We have enough disaster movie’s to last us the next few days.” 

“A few days?” Barney scoffed, “This thing is going to be over by tonight.” 

 

_If only he were right._

 

**Day 7:**  
  
“This thing is never going to end.” Robin sighed walking into the apartment. She took her bike helmet off, and walked into the kitchen to grab a beer. 

 

_That was your Uncle Marshall’s idea._  
“If you insist on going outside Robin,” He told her, “you’re wearing the helmet! The last thing we want is for you to get hit by an asteroid and die.”   


“So what are we watching?” she asked as she walked over to the couch and took a seat next to Lilly and Marshall. 

“Smallville season two.” Marshall told her. 

“Marshall’s hoping that we’re all gonna get superpowers.” Lilly clarified. 

“But Smallville was hit by meteorites. Those are asteroids outside.” 

They turned and looked at Robin, their jaws hanging in shock. 

“What? They do have comics in Canada you know.” 

**Day 8:**

 

_Now kids, your Uncle Barney had a plan.  
_

“Okay Ted Mosby. Here’s what we are going to do,” He said as they looked around at the sea of eligible women that had filled McLaren’s. “We are going to find you a girl.” 

“Isn’t this the same plan that you’ve had for the past three years?” Ted asked. 

“Yes, but this time it’s actually going to work because we are in a bar full of drunk and scared woman who will latch onto any available man they can find.” He then added with a painful sigh, “Who knows maybe one of them will even agree to marry you.” 

 

_And one of them actually did. But not yet._  

 

**Day 13:**

 

_Now believe it or not kids, but even though the world was ending some people still had to go to work. Like your aunt Lily, who risked life and limb every day to get to school and teach kindergarteners even though most of her class had stopped showing up. Hopefully because their parents had more sense than to let them go outside._

 

Lily walked into the apartment, “CNN was just hit. And poor Anderson Cooper is standing outside the building reporting about it.” 

Robin shook her head, “When is he going to realize that he doesn’t have to report from the middle of the danger zone? We will still love him even if his life isn‘t in danger. I mean you don't see me out there do you?” 

“Yeah, but do you have your own Cable news show?” Barney asked. 

“No, but neither does Anderson Cooper. Not anymore.” 

**Day 27:**

“You know,” Ted sighed as the gang sat lounging around the apartment, “I think I’m starting to get used to this whole end of the world thing.” 

 

_The next day all the power in the city went out._

 

**Day 28:**

“Ted!” Robin called out into the darkness, “What did you do with that flashlight we keep hidden in case of emergencies?” 

**Day 31:  
**

_July 4, 2009.  
For the first time in weeks it was almost like a normal day in New York City, with the exception of a few midday asteroid showers one of which took out a bodega in midtown._ 

 

Barney and Robin sat on the roof, passing a beer back and forth, watching as people on the ground below used emergency flairs as makeshift fireworks. 

“This is nice.” She whispered, “Almost like everything’s okay.” 

“Yeah.” Barney whispered back. 

A light breeze passed over them and Robin ran a hand through her hair. 

“It’s getting dark, we should head inside.” She said. 

Barney nodded and then mumbled, “Another night on the couch.” 

“You can stay in my room if you want.” 

They both looked at each other for a few moments. And then finally Barney told her, “Okay.” 

 

_And that was the second time your Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin had sex. Only thing is that this time it started his unintentional month long vow celibacy._  

 

**Day 34:**

Marshall walked into the apartment carrying two plastic bags. 

“I come bearing food and drinks!” he told everyone, raising the bags in the air. 

“Beer! And chicken wings!” Lilly exclaimed, “Aww Marshmallow, look at you fending for your family!” 

“Yeah about that.” Marshall set the food and beer in the kitchen and then returned with a sheepish look on his face, “In order to get it I had to promise Carl that we’d give him our first daughter.” 

At first Lilly had a shocked look on her face and then she shrugged it off, “Let’s just hope that she’s stupid.” 

Ted could not believe what he was hearing. 

“You didn’t really trade your first daughter for beer and chicken wings. Did you?” he asked. 

“Look outside Ted.” Robin scoffed, “We’re in the middle of a freaking apocalypse, and kids are valuable right now. I mean I‘ve got my own mother calling me up pestering me to give her some grandkids so she can fix her roof.” 

**Day 45:**

“Hey Ted, Marshall,” Barney exclaimed from the window, “I think the guys across the street are sending us a coded message.” 

“Ooh!” Marshall was positively giddy, “Its Morris code. I wish I knew Morris code. I learned it back in like the third grade.” 

Ted looked up from the book he was reading in his nice comfy spot by the fireplace. 

“It’s Morse code.” He corrected, “Like I wish I had spent more time learning Morse code.” 

**Day 52:**

 

_Now kids, there were some good things to come out of this. There were lots of sales because the store owners just gave up trying to keep everything safe (that’s how your Aunt Lily got an $800 pair of Manolo Blahnicks for free), and every Saturday McLaren’s had what they called “Yay we’re not dead parties” where everyone in the neighborhood would cram themselves into the bar and drink free beers until the generator ran out.  
_

“Barney we’re all heading downstairs, you coming?” Ted asked coming out of his room. 

“No. I think I’m going to sit this one out.” 

“Alright. See you later.” 

Ted headed for the door and ran straight into Robin who was on her way into the apartment. 

“Talk to Barney,” Ted whispered, “I think he’s depressed.” 

“Yeah there’s a lot of that going around.” She mumbled as Ted left. 

 

“Hey you.” Robin shut the door behind her and walked over to Barney. 

“Hey.” 

“Ted says that something’s bothering you. Want to talk about it?” 

“I’ve lost my mojo.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“I’ve lost my mojo. I haven‘t had sex in weeks.” 

“You mean you can’t…Because it was working pretty well…” 

“What? NO! It’s just that no one wants to have sex. Everyone in the city is either married, wanting to get married or scarily religious.” 

“Well that’s usually what happens when people are forced to face their own mortality.” 

“Thanks Dr. Phil. It’s just that it wasn’t always like this. When the asteroids first started falling I had to turn woman down I was getting so much sex. But now? Nothing.” 

“Barney,” Robin leaned closer to her friend, “this isn’t just some way to get me to have pity sex with you is it?” 

“No.” Barney shook his head, “I never even…What is happening to me? I never even thought about trying to get some pity sex. That would have been the first thing I tried. I’m a failure.” 

“Well,” Robin rubbed his arm, “you want to hear something that’ll make you feel better?” 

“What?” 

“The end of the world has been going on for fifty two days, woman are going crazy and marrying the first person they meet on the street because they don’t want to die single. And Ted still hasn’t found a wife.” 

They both laughed and then Robin’s smile slowly fell. 

“So what’s wrong with you?” Barney asked. 

“It’s nothing.” 

“Robin?” Barney raised his eyebrows, “Tell Uncle Barney all about it.” 

“Fine.” Robin sighed, “I got fired today. As it turns out, no one needs television reporters when they have no electricity to watch them with. Especially with Anderson Cooper screaming headlines from a street corner. And then to make it worse I got mugged on my way home and I had to trade your fake engagement ring to two teenagers for toilet paper and candles.” 

“You traded my ring for toilet paper?” Barney tried not to laugh. 

“Don’t laugh. Toilet paper is like gold right now.” 

“No, I know. It’s just, that ring was a fake. You probably got a better deal than you would have if you sold it before this whole thing started.” 

“My fake engagement ring was a fake?” 

“Seems fitting doesn’t it?” 

**Day 64:**

 

_August 6th 2009. It started out like all the other days before it._  

 

“You guys, is it safe to go out and get the paper?” Ted asked walking out of his bedroom. 

 

_But that’s when everything changed. No one was saying anything. They were all just crowded around the window staring out it as if there was the most amazing thing on the other side.  
_

“What are you guys looking at?” Ted asked walking over to them. 

 

_Here’s the magnificent thing. It wasn’t what they were looking at, but rather what they weren’t looking at._

There were no asteroids falling from the sky. Not a one. 

“It’s been like that for the past five hours.” Marshall explained. 

“Do you think it’s over?” 

“It just might be.” Robin whispered. 

 

_And it was.  
_

~*~ 

_  
Now things didn’t get back to normal over night. Robin’s parents sent Katie to go live with us while they got their roof fixed, Barney’s apartment building had been demolished which meant he was now homeless, and Lily and Marshall had a whole the size of a small person in their bathroom ceiling. But we were all okay. And really, isn’t that what matters?  
_   


 


End file.
